South Asian couples therapy in NYC that understands both families
South Asian couples therapy in NYC is for the two of you, and also for everyone who comes with you: his mother, her father, the cousins with opinions, the expectations that were agreed before either of you said a word.
In a desi marriage you rarely marry only one person. You marry a household, a set of traditions and sometimes a whole village of memory. Rubina has sat with couples whose marriage was arranged in six weeks, couples who fought both families to be together, and couples who are still not sure which of those they are. She understands why you can't simply cut off your in-laws, why money sent home is not up for debate, and why some things have never been said out loud in your bedroom. Here you can say them.
- LCSW
- CASAC-2
- Author of Stop Being Okay
- Urdu · Hindi · Punjabi
- In person in NYC
- Online across New York
Common reasons desi couples come in
No couple arrives with only one problem. These are the knots Rubina sees most often, and they are usually tied to each other:
- Communication that has turned into silence, sarcasm or the same argument on repeat
- In-laws — living with them, living near them, or living with their voice on the phone every evening
- Adjusting after an arranged marriage, when you are learning to love someone you barely knew at the wedding
- Intimacy and sex, which many couples were never given language for and feel ashamed to raise
- Money: supporting parents, joint accounts, who decides, and what is owed to whom
- Different religions, sects, castes or regions, and families who have not accepted the match
- Parenting, and how much your children should be raised the way you were
- Wondering quietly whether to stay, and being terrified of what separation would mean in the community
Arranged marriage, love marriage and everything in between
An arranged marriage is not a lesser marriage, and a love marriage is not automatically an easier one. They simply start in different places. In an arranged marriage the families often know each other better than the couple does, and the work is building a private relationship inside a very public arrangement. In a love marriage the couple knows each other well, but may be paying for that choice with years of family coldness.
Rubina does not have an opinion about how you got married. She is interested in what kind of marriage you want now. Some couples come in wanting to fall in love on purpose. Others want to stop fighting about the same mother-in-law story. Some want help deciding whether this can work at all. Every one of those is a legitimate reason to start.
When the families are in the room even when they are not
Joint family stress is one of the heaviest things desi couples carry. A wife who feels like a guest in her own kitchen. A husband caught between loyalty to his parents and loyalty to his wife, who keeps trying to please everyone and ends up trusted by no one. A couple who cannot have a private disagreement because the walls are thin and the opinions are loud.
In sessions, Rubina helps each of you understand the role you were raised to play, so you can stop blaming each other for scripts you inherited. The point is not to make anyone choose between spouse and parents. It is to help the two of you become a team that can be respectful to both families and still protect your marriage. For many women this work overlaps with therapy for South Asian women, and you are welcome to do both.
What if my partner won't come?
This is the most common thing Rubina hears from desi wives, and sometimes husbands. "He says therapy is for crazy people." "She says I'm the one with the problem." "His family would never allow it." You can still begin. Individual therapy focused on your marriage can change the pattern from your side, help you decide what you need, and sometimes makes the reluctant partner curious enough to join later.
When a partner does agree to come, the first session is often gentler than they expected. Rubina does not take sides and does not treat one of you as the patient and the other as the victim. She holds both of you.
Before the wedding: premarital work for desi couples
Many of the conflicts that bring couples in after five years were visible during the engagement. Who will live where. Whether her career continues. How much say his parents will have. Whether children are expected in the first year. If you are engaged or still in the rishta stage, premarital counseling gives you a place to have those conversations before the wedding planning swallows everything.
What sessions look like
Couples sessions run for an hour. You can meet Rubina in person in New York City, or join together online from anywhere in New York State, including from two different rooms if that is easier. Sessions can be in English, Urdu, Hindi, Punjabi or a mix, so the word that fits is always allowed.
In the first meeting Rubina hears from both of you about the history of the relationship, what is going wrong and what you each hope for. After that she may suggest one individual session with each partner, so each person can say what is hard to say in front of the other. Her approach draws on emotionally focused couples therapy and family systems work, adapted to a culture where marriage involves more than two people.
Couples sessions are $200 for 60 minutes, private pay. More details are on the fees page.
Rubina K. Singh, LCSW, CASAC-2
Rubina has spent more than fifteen years in mental health. She holds a BSW from Rutgers, an MSW from Capella and is completing her doctorate in social work. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in New York, a CASAC Level 2 addiction counselor, and the author of Stop Being Okay. She grew up between cultures, and she speaks English, Urdu, Hindi and Punjabi.
Questions people ask
Will you tell us to move out of my in-laws' home?
No. Rubina will not hand you a rule from a different culture. She will help you both understand what living together is costing your marriage and what changes are realistic for your family, then you decide.
Our marriage was arranged and we still feel like strangers. Is that normal?
It is common, and it is workable. Many arranged-marriage couples spend years being polite rather than close. Therapy can help you build the friendship and intimacy that nobody taught you how to build.
Can we talk about sex and intimacy in Urdu or Hindi?
Yes, in any language you like. Many couples find intimacy the hardest topic to raise, especially if it was never spoken about at home. Rubina makes it ordinary to talk about.
Do you work with Muslim, Hindu and Sikh couples, and mixed couples?
Yes. Rubina works with couples of every faith and none, and with couples from different religions or communities. If faith is part of your conflict, there is also a page on intercultural and interfaith couples therapy.
Will anyone in our community find out?
Not from us. Sessions are confidential. Many couples join online from home so that no one sees them walk into an office.
What if we are thinking about separating?
Couples therapy is not only for saving a marriage. It can also help you get clear, and if you do separate, do it with less damage to each other and to your children.
Last reviewed October 13, 2026 by Rubina K. Singh, LCSW
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